is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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