I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
