please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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