What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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