i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
