come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You made out with two different species that night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
