i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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