bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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