I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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