Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
