sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
