what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
