pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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