I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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