New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
