Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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