I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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