i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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