Sry I called you an 8
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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