The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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