i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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