I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
