Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
