god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
