did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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