Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
sarcasm needs its own font
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
