you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
