Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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