basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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