absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
