I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
