Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
