She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
