smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
