This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
