im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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