Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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