Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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