Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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