I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
