i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
