Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's shark week go big or go home
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
