Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
