I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
