don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Randomize
