If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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