The maid of honor just puked.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
