It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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