Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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