the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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