Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
