my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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