My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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