Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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