It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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