Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
