so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
