Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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