Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize