Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
