I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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