allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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