if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
