her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
