a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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