Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
two words: eviction party
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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