Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
