its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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